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Thoughts on Death

The freaky frightful tv shows, the carved pumpkins, the grotesque face masks you saw everywhere, and the traffic on the roads near cemeteries... yes, it's Halloween again. I hate Halloweens because it reminds me of death. I've always been scared and this fright is intense when I'm just a kiddo. I think its normal for kids to have that fright, I mean you know how kids are right?! I admit, when I grew up my curiosity about the world of the unknown, the unexplainable and bizarre, and the paranormal phenomena heightened but my fright is still there. It never left me.

I'm afraid of death. There's never a time in my life that I haven't thought about this unpleasant incident. I know we'll all have our final breath on earth when we'll leave our family and friends. When I think of death, I imagine total darkness, you can't breath as if all air has been sucked out of you, you scream but no voice escaped your mouth, you run but there's nowhere to go. You are trapped in place where no one can help you and I tell you that is a dreadful place to be. Yes, I'm afraid of death and I'm afraid for that day to come without me having to fulfill the things that I'm supposed to do. I'm afraid of disappointing my family..., of hurting the very people that I deeply love and cared about.

I want to die peacefully..., calm..., no sufferings. I want to die old and when that happens I want my loved ones to be there. When the time comes that I will leave earth, the last thing that I would want to see is the faces of the people I love. Oh my! I don’t know what's gotten into me to discuss my death. Now it's giving me this eerie feeling. It makes my skin to crawl… (*sigh) Oh well, Happy Halloween everyone!

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Wednesday, November 01, 2006